I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
