You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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