Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
