I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
