her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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