you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
