just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
