Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
