im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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