Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
