I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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