If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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