I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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