Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
