she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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