were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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