they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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