Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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