I love black thongs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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