I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
