New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
