Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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