Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
