Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize