Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
