i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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