yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
