God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
