my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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