Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
