he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
