he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
