i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
