Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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