dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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