I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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