I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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