you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
