1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
