If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
