We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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