it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
