I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
