He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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