Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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