i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
