We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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