Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
