I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
