This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
