I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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