I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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