There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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