I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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