I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
