She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
