I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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