Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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