I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
