Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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