I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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