Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
