guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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