Do you still have your period?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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