just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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