Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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