seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
