I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
