hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
