Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
