Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
