Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
