Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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