i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
