i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think i got beer on your cat.
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