how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
