you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I currently don't understand fingers.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
