She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
