i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
