Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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